July 10, 2019 | The Bier Baron Tavern & DC Comedy Loft
A First (Statistically Speaking)
It was the second Wednesday of July, and Dupont Circle's Bier Baron Tavern and DC Comedy Loft played host to the final Perfect Liars Club of the 2018-19 Liar Spotting Season. The change in schedule and the blistering summer heat did little to keep the crowds away, evident by the standing room only crowd. Would DC's "best and brightest" end the season on a high note or would they once again fall victim to the charms of a Perfect Liar? Only time would tell. But first, the stories.
  • Did Jamie seek revenge on the hoarding germophobe who forced him to travel all the way from Manhattan to Brooklyn for an unfulfilling one-night stand?
  • Did Sarah enjoy a "hubba hubba" filled dalliance with a mysterious gentleman who purposefully misled her with a pseudonym?
  • Did freshly-minted dive guide Yoav literally get in over his head and endanger the lives of three small children in the process on his very first diving tour in Hawaii?
  • Did 11-year-old Mike develop an ill-fated crush on the young Amish girl who accompanied her handyman father to his job at Mike's parents' house?

The laughs were plentiful. The sidebars were abundant. And the puzzled expressions were bountiful as the interrogation round approached. Had the storytellers stumped the sold-out crowd? That was the first of many great questions.
  • How did Jamie track down his one-night stand's phone number if they've never exchanged personal information?
  • If Sarah was suspicious of her suitor, why didn't she merely look at his credit card when he was paying for a tab, rather than run the risk of getting caught going through his wallet?
  • How did Yoav become a certified divemaster in three countries with only 20 hours of diving experience under his belt?
  • Why did the Amish girl's father consent to a playdate between his daughter and the "English" boy like Mike?
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As the interrogation came to close, a cacophony of murmurs erupted across the room, undoubtedly revealing the audience's lack of clarity. A hunch validated by the vote, which saw top vote-getter Sarah besting lowest vote-getter Jamie by a mere three votes, with Mike and Yoav tied in the middle. Never before and, quite likely, never again, will we witness this rarest of feats at Perfect Liars Club -- a statistical dead heat.

Even more shocking, when asked if they wanted a recount, the audience outright declined. Was it because they were certain that the liar had been caught or because their anticipation had gotten the better of them? We may never know.

The deafening sound of a drumroll filled the hall. The storytellers jostled too and fro. And then, to the dismay of approximately three-quarters of the room, Mike bounded to the center of the stage, another Perfect Liar unspotted by a duped D.C. crowd.

Rest up, citizens of Washington. You've only got a month to calibrate your internal lie detectors before the 2019-2020 Liar Spotting Season begins. See you there!