October 7th, 2015 at Bier Baron:
Boobs, Beer and Bacon Lollipops
It was another packed house at Bier Baron, where the beer and bacon lollipops flow freely (Ed. note: Can bacon lollipops be said to flow?)
Our first teller Andrea described the long process she went through before realizing that she was a lesbian. The centerpiece of her journey was a breastfeeding awareness themed party featuring such delights as lovingly crafted nipple cupcakes and breast milk pina coladas -- and she cohosted it with her husband, or so she claimed. I mean, could you be married to someone for 12 years and not know where they went to high school? The audience was dubious.
Up next, Melissa enthralled the crowd by talking about the one thing that we all have in common; a fascination with porn. Melissa spun a story about moving to LA for her husband's job and winding up working in the porn industry. As a makeup artist, but still. Worst of all, her 16-year-old cousin busted her by recognizing that the new friend she brought to family dinner was a well-known porn star. Could this all be true?
Not to be outdone, Derek followed a seasonally appropriate tale about a charged Halloween party at some lawyers house in Arlington. Derek was dressed in full east coast liberal intelligentsia gear as the French Revolution, complete with severed heads and some Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite swag. But some Sexy Nurses in the Commonwealth picked a fight because they thought he was dressed as an abortion doctor. (Gotta be careful how you deploy severed dolls' heads.) Worse, there were no Cheez-Its to be had anywhere. But was it all true?
And finally Andre entertained with a tale of a very specific kind of gentrification woe -- the kind where you find out that you are inadvertently hosting a PCP den in your garage. Oops! Andre and his housemates were so shocked that even the cops believed them. But could the audience?
The interrogation was incisive. Which Walmart did Derek go to to procure doll heads for his costume? What kind of bones did Andre find in his PCP den/garage? What was the recipe for Andrea's nipple cupcakes? Could Melissa reveal what kind of makeup was sex-proof? ASKING FOR A FRIEND.
Friends, I think we all learned a life lesson that night -- everyone is lying when they talk to you about their involvement with porn. Melissa was the liar! And Andrea has pictures from that breastfeeding themed party that would blow your mind.
Get your tickets now so you don't miss the next show!
xo, Cara and Pierce
Our first teller Andrea described the long process she went through before realizing that she was a lesbian. The centerpiece of her journey was a breastfeeding awareness themed party featuring such delights as lovingly crafted nipple cupcakes and breast milk pina coladas -- and she cohosted it with her husband, or so she claimed. I mean, could you be married to someone for 12 years and not know where they went to high school? The audience was dubious.
Up next, Melissa enthralled the crowd by talking about the one thing that we all have in common; a fascination with porn. Melissa spun a story about moving to LA for her husband's job and winding up working in the porn industry. As a makeup artist, but still. Worst of all, her 16-year-old cousin busted her by recognizing that the new friend she brought to family dinner was a well-known porn star. Could this all be true?
Not to be outdone, Derek followed a seasonally appropriate tale about a charged Halloween party at some lawyers house in Arlington. Derek was dressed in full east coast liberal intelligentsia gear as the French Revolution, complete with severed heads and some Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite swag. But some Sexy Nurses in the Commonwealth picked a fight because they thought he was dressed as an abortion doctor. (Gotta be careful how you deploy severed dolls' heads.) Worse, there were no Cheez-Its to be had anywhere. But was it all true?
And finally Andre entertained with a tale of a very specific kind of gentrification woe -- the kind where you find out that you are inadvertently hosting a PCP den in your garage. Oops! Andre and his housemates were so shocked that even the cops believed them. But could the audience?
The interrogation was incisive. Which Walmart did Derek go to to procure doll heads for his costume? What kind of bones did Andre find in his PCP den/garage? What was the recipe for Andrea's nipple cupcakes? Could Melissa reveal what kind of makeup was sex-proof? ASKING FOR A FRIEND.
Friends, I think we all learned a life lesson that night -- everyone is lying when they talk to you about their involvement with porn. Melissa was the liar! And Andrea has pictures from that breastfeeding themed party that would blow your mind.
Get your tickets now so you don't miss the next show!
xo, Cara and Pierce
